Dr. Angela C. Mattke, the medical editor of “Mayo Clinic Guide to Raising a Healthy Child,” is a practicing pediatrician at the Mayo Clinic Children’s Center in Rochester, Minnesota. She heads the Children’s Center Visibility Committee. In her daily work, she most enjoys seeing her patients smile and helping families who are struggling with health challenges.

“The average American consumes between 3,000 and 4,000 calories at Thanksgiving dinner,” my family member remarked as we gathered around the table. Laughter followed, with playful comments about overeating or starting a “diet” tomorrow. But I felt a pang of anxiety as I glanced at my children. What if they heard that? What if they began to internalize our culture’s fixation on calories, diets, and the relentless pursuit of thinness?

For most of us, holiday meals are moments to savor—filled with delicious food, nostalgic scents, and lively conversations that often become treasured memories. They represent joy, connection, and celebration.

But for my patients battling eating disorders or struggling with body image, weight, and shape concerns, these gatherings are anything but joyful. In the weeks leading up to them, many feel consumed by dread and apprehension, often triggering increased eating disorder thoughts and behaviors.

Flippant comments or passive-aggressive remarks can easily cut through their defenses, reigniting eating disorder thoughts. Statements like, "I haven't eaten all week so I can eat today!" or "I wish I could eat like you—I'm on a diet," or "I'm doing this new diet _____," can feel triggering. The worst part is that we live in such a diet obsessed culture, these comments are normalized. Over 70% of women and 40% of men report feeling dissatisfied with their bodies, a sentiment frequently driven by societal standards and reinforced by diet culture…

Living with an eating disorder is deeply challenging and hard to understand unless you've experienced it firsthand or seen a loved one struggle through the treatment and recovery process. I have the honor of helping children and teens suffering from eating disorders—and supporting their families, as eating disorders affect entire family units. Each holiday season, we spend weeks planning for these gatherings and meals to prevent the stress of them hijacking their recovery journey.

As you approach this holiday season, filled with parties and meals, As you approach this holiday season, I challenge you to think differently about how to navigate conversations about food and body image around little ones.

Here are some suggestions:

Be Mindful of Comments — Avoid comments about weight, body shape, calories, or food-related guilt—period. Let’s also strive to be mindful of the remarks we make about ourselves and others, not just during the holidays but year-round. By modeling thoughtful and respectful conversations, grown-ups can set a powerful example for children, teaching them how to approach these topics with kindness and self-awareness.

Be an Ally — If the mealtime conversation starts veering toward body image, weight, trendy diets or calories, step in to redirect that sinking ship. Steer the discussion toward more neutral, positive, or engaging topics. If your child makes negative comments about their body or shape, start by
acknowledging their feelings and letting them know they are heard. Then, guide the conversation toward reframing the focus from how their body looks to the incredible things it can do. Additionally, counter the negative messages they may absorb from society and encourage self-kindness and empathy. Lastly, leave the door open for future discussion.

Plan Ahead — If you’re attending an event with a loved one who has an eating disorder, plan ahead by considering what foods will be available and bringing something you know aligns with their recovery.

Plan Fun Distractions — Before or after the meal, organize fun activities like board games, charades, or starting a new family tradition. These can shift the focus from food to connection and joy.

Did you know that Angela and the Mayo Clinic have a podcast now for parents?! “Mayo Clinic Kids” helps listeners make sense of children’s health and wellness, drawing on the most up-to-date expert medical advice so that they can help the children in their lives grow to be healthy, happy adults. On each episode, Dr. Angela Mattke tackles a different subject of concern or interest for caregivers to kids of all ages. Dr. Mattke talks to a range of leading health and wellness professionals about top-of-mind issues, the latest treatments, the newest research, and expert recommendations to help caregivers identify potential problems and alleviate concerns.

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