From the moment you announce you’re expecting, it feels like everyone, from your closest friends to that one super talkative grocery store cashier, has an opinion on how you should raise your child. Let’s face it: parenting is challenging enough without everyone in your life chiming in about “what worked for their kid.” While some advice is genuine and can be incredibly helpful, the constant barrage of unsolicited parenting opinions can leave you feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and maybe even questioning your parenting abilities. 

The emotional toll of unsolicited advice

It’s easy to dismiss other people’s opinions with a smile and a nod, even when you’re secretly screaming inside. Whether or not someone means to, their advice can take a real toll on your mental health. Opinions from other people can make you doubt your instincts, feel judged, or even trigger feelings of anxiety. And when that advice comes from loved ones, it can be even harder to deal with as you attempt to protect your boundaries without hurting their feelings or creating any unnecessary tension. 

Why do people give unsolicited advice?

Understanding why people give advice in the first place can help you deal with it more gracefully and avoid taking it as a personal attack on your parenting. Sometimes, it’s a well-intentioned attempt to share their own experiences, hoping to be helpful. Other times, people are seeking validation or a sense of control. And some people just love to talk. 

Often, unwanted comments are more about the advice-giver than the person they’re “trying to help.” Offering “shoulds” to others can provide a sense of control or importance. People who impulsively give advice you never asked for tend to have a somewhat rigid approach to life. They believe their way is the right (and often the only) way, lacking humility and insight. “Not only are they not aware of others’ thoughts and feelings, but they also lack self-awareness,” notes Psychology Today contributor Seth Meyers, Psy.D. 

How to say “Thanks!” (But no thanks)

Want to handle all that uninvited input without losing your cool? Start by setting clear boundaries. It’s perfectly okay to politely but firmly let someone know that while you appreciate their input, you prefer to make your own decisions regarding your child. 

If you feel uncomfortable, use humor to diffuse tension and lighten the mood. Try saying something like, “Thanks for the advice, but we’ll do what works best for our family,” or even simply, “Thanks for the tip.”  

Remember, you don’t have to engage in every conversation that comes your way. Choose your battles wisely to safeguard your mental health. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all to avoid getting drawn into an uncomfortable conversation. Let it go and focus on what truly matters—your child’s and your own well-being. 

In the end, it’s always best to trust your gut. You know your kiddo better than anyone else. Don’t let other people’s advice and opinions shake your confidence. Always remember: you are the best parent for your child. 

What about comments on social media?

Unfortunately, posting online about your parenting choices opens the door to comments from strangers who believe they know what’s best for your family. Spoiler alert: they have absolutely no clue! So don’t give them any of your much-needed energy. Consider turning off comments, responding with kindness, or ignoring them altogether. If social media is causing you stress, take a break or refrain from posting about your kids. 

Take it from actress Keke Palmer, who wisely shared about this on Instagram: "If you wanna help somebody pray for them, wish them well, show 'em love," she said. "Don't go on their page using some privileged measure of what it takes to be a good mom. 'Cause you know what it really takes to be a good mom? Loving your child." We couldn’t agree more.

How do you deal with unsolicited parenting advice?

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