I’ll be the first to admit that I suffer from “eldest daughter syndrome,” a term that refers to women and girls who feel extra familial responsibility as their parents’ firstborn child. Though EDS relies solely on birth order theory and is neither a clinical term nor an official mental health diagnosis, the symptoms are legit, and include people-pleasing and Type A tendencies, as well as heightened anxiety and depression. But as it turns out, these side effects may not only affect daughters.

A new study from Epic Research found that any firstborn sibling regardless of gender, as well as those who are an only child, are more likely to have anxiety compared to siblings born later. After analyzing the medical records of more than 180,000 kids, the researchers had two main takeaways:

• Firstborn children are 48% more likely to have anxiety and 35% more likely to have depression compared to children who are born second or later. 

• Only children are 42% more likely to have anxiety and 38% more likely to have depression compared to children who are born second or later. 

Two notes: One, the medical records were for kids ages 8 and older, since that’s when the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force suggests beginning anxiety screening in children. Two, the researchers noted that anxiety and depression have other causes, such as family history, but this study suggests that being an oldest sibling or only child could be a risk factor.

There are a few reasons firstborns may be more anxious, according to these experts; oldest children may have been parented differently, they may feel more of a burden and responsibility to keep their family afloat (for lack of a better term), and nature vs. nurture comes into play too.

However, the point of this research is not so parents go around feeling like we’ve doomed our first child by simply birthing him or her when we did. Experts say that it’s okay to ask our oldest child to help, whether that’s with their little siblings or with chores around the house, because that’s how it’s been for thousands of years. In fact, there’s even current research that says that children who do chores may be more self-confident and successful later in life. 

Plus, research has found that eldest children have so many great qualities; they might be more responsible, more successful, more rule-following, more conscientious, and maybe even smarter.

As an eldest child (and grandchild) myself, I can attest that all of this rings true for me personally; I am certainly the most anxious, the most neurotic, but honestly, also the most responsible among my half- and full-siblings. I see so many of these tendencies already in my firstborn son, who has a younger sister, and yes, I worry he’ll feel some of the burdens I feel as the oldest child. 

But it’s my job as his mom to ensure he grows up feeling as secure as possible in himself as the big brother. That he knows being the oldest is a good kind of responsibility with so many perks, especially as a kid; later bedtime, brand-new stuff and no hand-me-downs, and the first to do everything like drive a car and go to college. 

Do you think your oldest kid is (or will be) your most anxious?

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