You’ve been fed information since your child was a newborn that a bedtime routine was critical to establishing healthy sleep habits and associations. You were sure that doing the book, bath bottle, then bed regimen and putting them down “drowsy but awake” was going to all but guarantee that your baby would know when it’s time for bed and be able to get themself back to sleep. But the truth is, this doesn't work for every child (or every parent), and about 5 percent of kids under the age of 5 consistently sleep in a parent’s bed, according to sleep data from Emily Oster.

Even if your child comes into your room on occasion and not every night, it’s still frustrating and exhausting. Those nighttime hours are often the only alone time a mom or dad gets! So here are some expert tips on how to get your toddler, preschooler or older child to sleep in their room or bed (not including when they’re sick or having a nightmare, because every kiddo deserves an extra hug or cuddle in those scenarios). Change won’t happen overnight (see what I did there?), but introducing good habits now can pave the way for better sleep for the whole family in the long run. Hope these help!

Figure out the reason. If your child is old enough to verbally articulate their feelings, see if they’ll tell you what’s keeping them from their bed, the experts at Child Mind Institute suggest. Scared of the dark? Separation anxiety? Missing their crib and not a fan of their new “big kid” bed? This can help you better under their reasoning, if there is any, and tackle it head on. You can also check out these books to help your kid sleep in their own bed if you need backup.

Decide on rules and stick to them. Sure, this is easier in theory than in practice, and the middle of the night or at bedtime isn’t exactly a time to enforce practices your child is fighting. But determine your new rules, integrate them into your existing bedtime routine and stick to them. Maybe this means sitting outside your child’s door while they fall asleep, walking them back to their bed next time they come in at midnight, or gradually working up to independent sleep by letting them rest on a blow-up mattress in your room. Whatever you decide upon, stay consistent, follow through and use tough love when needed. You just may see results sooner than you think.

Make their bed cozy and enticing. You know that amazing feeling of plopping into your cozy bed after a long day of adulting? Try to give your child that same feeling in their sleep space. Let them pick out their bedsheets, sleep with an unlimited (but safe) amount of stuffies, or use a nightlight to deter the “monsters.” The key is to make them feel safe and cozy in their own space, even when you’re not physically there next to them.

Introduce incentives or prize charts. I speak from experience when I say that when my son was between the ages of 3 and 5, reward charts worked like a charm. Positive reinforcement can be helpful when it comes to getting your child comfortable in their own sleep space. Consider a chart of sorts where your child gets a sticker for every night they start off or stay in their bed, and then they’ll receive a prize or special time with mommy or daddy when they get X amount of stickers. Alternatively, if your kid isn’t the behavior chart type, you can verbally offer positive reinforcement. The benefits of positive reinforcement with kids apply no matter the method.

Consider sleep training. If you’re at your wit’s end and desperately want your bed back — and if you have the means — consider hiring a sleep coach to help you sleep train your child. Sleep consultants work primarily with infants and toddlers, but they can assist in sleep training an older child too because it’s never too late to introduce good habits. A sleep consultant can help guide you through the process of getting your child to go to sleep or stay asleep in their own room, among other things. 

What’s a game-changing hack that worked to get your child to sleep in their bed independently?

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