No-Pressure Ways To Raise Kids With Purpose
BLAIR SHARP
July 18, 2024
As adults, we understand that having a purpose in life is key to our happiness and fulfillment. But how can we instill this wisdom in our children?
The concept of “finding your purpose” isn’t just trendy—it’s a fundamental human need. Research shows that kids (and adults) with a strong sense of purpose tend to be more resilient and motivated and less likely to struggle with school and social settings.
The Voices of Gen Z Study found that while 73% of 12- to 26-year-olds describe themselves as very or somewhat happy, this percentage declines with age. Interestingly, happy Gen Zers are more likely to feel engaged in their daily activities and motivated in their work or studies.
As parents, we play a pretty important role in nurturing our children’s sense of purpose. Through simple everyday interactions and thought-provoking conversations, we can help them see their lives as one big adventure full of possibilities.
Spark their curiosity. Over the years, our kiddo tried basketball, soccer, football, jiu-jitsu, piano, and chess—not all at once. We realized that, just like us, he’s a homebody. So we don’t push activities if he’s just not that into it. Let your kids try a bunch of different things so they can see what’s out there, meet new people, and figure out what they truly enjoy.
Ditch the “yes” or “no” questions and ask open-ended ones instead. After trying something, ask them what they enjoyed about it. Or, when choosing a new activity, ask, “What would you like to learn more about?”
Celebrate effort, not just achievement. While encouraging your kids to strive for excellence is important, the reality is they won’t all be “the best” at everything. Instead, focus on praising their effort rather than the outcome.
Talk about their process and how they approached a task, discuss challenges, and what they might do differently next time. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” tell them how proud you are of their hard work in studying or learning the skill.
Acknowledge their persistence and commitment, like when they’re practicing their jump shot or golf swing, instead of only celebrating scoring the most points during the game or getting a hole-in-one.
You might create a progress chart for them to track their efforts in a sports skill, with reading, or for memorizing their multiplication tables. Use a small reward as motivation when they reach their goal.
Encourage a sense of community and giving to others. Volunteer as a family or find group activities, sports, or clubs that promote teamwork and social connection. Check out some local events in your city to meet new people you might not normally run into.
Teach self-reflection. Have dedicated face-to-face time with your child or go on family walks at the end of the day. Create a safe space for them to share their feelings and pay attention so they feel heard. Unplug from distractions to connect on a deeper level. Talk to them about journaling, deep breathing, and other mindfulness techniques.
Lead by example. Share your own passions, successes, and failures with your kids. Practice your growth mindset and willingness to try new things, showing them that stepping outside their comfort zone is okay. If this feels weird, that probably just means you need to do more of it!
Remember, helping your kids find purpose isn’t about winning at life, achieving a specific goal, or something you can cross off your to-do list. It’s about helping them figure out what lights them up, makes them think, and motivates them to make a positive impact on the world and the people around them.
How are you helping your kids discover their passions?
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