Online communities are a double-edged sword — they can be damaging and hurtful in so many ways, but for many of us, they’re a safe haven and a way to connect with people with similar life experiences. The latter is certainly true for kids and teens who identify as LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer), who, according to new research, actually feel safer online than in real life.

A new study released by Hopelabs and Born This Way Foundation found that a large percentage of LGBTQ+ individuals between the ages of 15 and 24 surveyed find the internet to be a safe space as they begin to explore their sexual and gender identities. In fact, 82% of participants were out online, compared to only 53% in person; interestingly, 80% of trans youth are out online, versus only 40% in person. 

It’s great that so many of these LGBTQ+ teens and young adults can feel safe online and truly find their ‘people’ there, but it’s important for parents and allies to provide support IRL too. “Partnerships between young people and trusted adults can create kinder and braver environments that enhance well-being outcomes and reduce depression among LGBTQ+ young people,” the survey reads. Of course, there’s only so much you can do about your child’s peers, bullying and other factors that may make it difficult for them to be who they truly are. But as parents, what we can control is our home environment.

Here are some expert tips on how to be the best mom or dad you can be to your LGBTQ+ child. These gestures may seem small, but to your child, they’ll truly mean everything.

1. Show your child you love them. Every child needs to feel love from their parents (PS: here are 5 ways to show your kid you love them), but LGBTQ+ kids just may need it even more. Experts at Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, aka PFLAG, suggest doing so verbally by literally saying “I love you,” or physically with hugging — whatever you’re most comfortable with. They also advise that if it’s hard for you to accept their coming out, whether for religious reasons or because you’re worried for their future, understand that it was even harder for your child to do so. They might be looking to you for validation, so showing love can go a long way and set the groundwork for a trusting and communicative relationship.

2. Validate their feelings. Ensure your child knows you’re happy they opened up to you, and that you’ll do whatever you can to do what’s best for them and support them, says Child Mind Institute. Avoid trying to problem-solve, don’t say their sexuality is “just a phase,” or worry that you did something “wrong” by raising a queer child.

3. Brush up on your terminology. If you’re worried about saying the wrong thing to your child or misgendering them, good job, you’re a caring and empathetic parent! But a little studying can’t hurt. This online glossary of LGBTQ+ terminology from Human Rights Campaign is a helpful and exhaustive list for allies who want to learn more. 

4. Get in tune with their emotions. You need not read their text messages or invade their privacy, but it’s okay to be a bit more, um, resourceful when it comes to protecting your newly-out child. For example, Johns Hopkins Medicine experts suggest you be on the lookout for signs of bullying, get in touch with your child’s teachers so you’re in-the-know should any issues arise and find a support system for them such as therapists or non-profit organizations if they seem like they need some help.

5. Lean into social media (with limits). As the study revealed, many LGBTQ+ youth rely on online forums and social media platforms to connect with others going through similar things and feelings. This is fine, but as the parent, make sure you still set boundaries for their internet usage, Johns Hopkins Medicine suggests. Monitor what they’re doing on their phone and other devices, and have a conversation about safe online practices. 

Remember, supporting LGBTQ+ youth saves lives and has a huge impact. We hope these tips help even a little bit as you navigate this chapter of parenting.

Anything you’d add to our list of ways to support your LGBTQ+ kids?

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