Recently, I’ve been savoring every last drop of the “little kid” phase of childhood with my almost 8-year-old son. He’ll always be my little boy, but those glimpses of him growing up are becoming more frequent, and I am not okay. 

It’s the ultimate paradox of parenthood, right? For years, our kids rely on us for just about everything, making it tough to recognize the moments when we realize, “Hold on, they can handle this on their own.” The end goal is to raise them to thrive without us.

Sadly, the world isn’t always kind, but it’s our job to equip our kids to face challenges independently, make sound choices, and learn from their mistakes—even when we can’t be there to guide them. 

Why is this so important?

I’ll spare you the clichés about how life is short, but it’s undeniably true that life is unpredictable. Teaching our kids flexibility and resilience is critical if we want them to grow into mature, well-rounded adults. 

Raising independent children doesn’t mean your job as a parent is done. It’s completely possible to teach your kids to live without you while maintaining a loving and supportive relationship. You’ll always be there to guide, love, and support them, and eventually, they’ll thank you for it. That’s the goal anyway, right?           

Age-appropriate responsibilities - Even the youngest kiddos can “help” with laundry by folding towels or washcloths and matching the socks. And yes, if their folding bothers you, you can redo it later. Just make sure they’re not looking. 

Have your elementary-aged kids and teenagers do their own laundry or be the designated dishwasher person. Show them how to add detergent or soap, which buttons to push, and share any other information they need to get the job done. Teach them how to complete other household cleaning tasks, and if you’re willing, bring them along for errands like grocery shopping. 

Gradually increase your kids' responsibilities as they get older. This could mean managing their own schedules, contributing to household tasks, or even taking on a part-time job. If they mess up, and they will, don’t scold them. Praise their effort and ask for their help in fixing the problem.

Decision-making - Instead of answering every question they have, ask them, “What do you think?” or “What would you do?” Their requests for help are often out of habit, so get them thinking through problems on their own. 

If a toy goes missing, have them search for it instead of looking for it yourself. Ask questions like, “Where did you last see it?” or “Where do you think it could be?”

If they ask, be there to help them problem-solve. Teach reflection by asking questions like, “What would you have done differently?” and “What did you learn?”

Learning from mistakes - Kids don’t learn without failure first, so let them make mistakes. This one is hard for me! It’s natural to want to protect your children from pain and discomfort, but mistakes are just a part of growing up. 

If all of this feels overwhelming, I get it. As someone who really likes control and just isn’t ready for my son to grow up, I’m actively trying to resist the urge to swoop in and fix everything.

Here’s the thing: At some point, too much of our help actually starts to hold them back. We can build up our kids’ self-esteem by not doing tasks for them that they can do themselves. I’m committed to being better about this. Are you with me? 

What are you doing to prepare your kids to live without you? 

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