Is your child’s constant plea for playtime tugging at your heartstrings? Each time I hear my son say, “Mom, will you play with me?” I find myself torn between wanting to give him my full attention and craving some much-needed “me time.” If you feel this way too, you’re not alone. 

Feeling that pang of guilt when you can’t—or simply don’t want to—play with your child is completely normal. On one hand, you feel like a bad parent, but on the other, you know that solo play is good for them. Yet, knowing what to do or say in the moment can be a big challenge.

As the parent of an only child, sometimes that mom-guilt is super heavy. “Am I a bad parent for not wanting to play with my son?” Those pesky thoughts are so silly! I know I’m a great mom, and I know he loves me so much. But when these situations end with a gigantic meltdown, I often reflect on what I could have done better. And given the unpredictable nature of both child and parental emotions, I usually land on the answer: well, nothing at all. We’re all doing the best we can, right?

So, fellow parents, what are we to do? Even if we read every single parenting book ever written, we still wouldn’t have all the answers. Still, one thing remains clear: there’s power in playtime.

Research shows that play strengthens kids’ brain structure and function, enhancing their executive functioning—which is responsible for essential skills like focus, planning, and problem-solving. Solo play can foster independence, helping your kids develop creativity and forcing them to use their imagination. 

But what's the magic phrase when your child begs for playtime, and you're not exactly jumping for joy at the idea? Unless you enjoy heated arguments with small humans, avoid saying something stern like, “No, go play by yourself.” My house can’t be the only place this happens.

Instead, try saying something like, “I’m doing something right now, but I’d love to play later,” or “I know you want to play, but I need to finish this.” Give them encouragement by saying, “You’re so good at playing on your own! I bet you can find something fun to do.”

Promote independent play by creating a special space just for them. Make it inviting and comfortable with blankets and pillows. Provide materials for them to use their imagination, like playsets with puppets, dolls, or action figures. Recommend quiet activities like reading books, drawing and coloring, building with blocks, using playdough, or playing outside. Rotate their toys regularly so they feel “new” and exciting. 

Model independent play—take this as your permission for some “alone time,” we know you need it! Show your child you enjoy spending time alone, whether that’s reading, cooking, watching your favorite TV show, or simply relaxing by yourself. This is a great time to say something like, “It’s so nice to spend time together, but sometimes it’s important to have time to ourselves too.”

As with many aspects of parenting, be patient and have realistic expectations. Your child might need some time to warm up to the idea of playing alone, especially if they’re used to getting most of your attention. Give them time to explore their options and find their own ways to keep themselves entertained. 

Lastly, remember to acknowledge when your child plays independently, even if for a short time. Solo play deserves a big high-five, or you could say something like, “I really love how nicely you played by yourself.” Remember, kids are usually more receptive to positive reinforcement, which means less stress for you too!

How do you encourage solo play in your home? 

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