After-school activities are beneficial for kids of all ages; they can help children improve their social skills, feel a sense of belonging in their school communities, and keep them busy and off the screens in those hours in between school and bedtime that can feel like forever. But what happens if your child doesn’t like the club, sport, or class they committed to and they want to quit so early into the school year? Should you make them grin and bear it, or let them stop and move onto something else?

As with many parenting conundrums, this one is tricky to navigate. On the one hand, you want your child to learn the value of commitment and keeping their promises. At the same time, if they’re absolutely miserable, they’re getting nothing out of the activity in question…and you’re basically throwing money and time down the drain.

Here are a few considerations before you let your son or daughter bow out:

Figure out why they’re no longer interested. Depending on your child’s age, sit them down and ask them straight up why they want to stop the activity. It could be because a kid on the team is being mean to them during practice, they’re self-conscious that they’re less skilled than their peers at said activity, or they don’t vibe well with the coach or teacher. These are all things that can improve and may be worth an attempt to fix. What won’t change, however, is if your child has genuinely lost interest in the activity. Then it’s no harm, no foul.

Give it time. I would imagine that most parents aren’t going to let their kid try one class of something new and then be like, “nah, never mind, I’m not into this anymore.” For example, my son absolutely hated his first week of Hebrew school in September, but we kept at it, and by week three, he was excited to go and even let us drop him off rather than accompany him the whole time. Some things just might take time, and if your child is the slow-to-warm-up type, a few more sessions could sway them to stay.

Determine if they’re too overbooked. This brings us back to the idea of hurried child syndrome…does your child want to break ties with this club or activity simply because they have too much on their plate already? Some kids like the hustle and bustle of a very packed calendar, but others (like my son) thrive on having a healthy combination of structured activities and free time at home. If your kiddo seems overly stressed by their to-dos and there’s one afterschool program in particular that’s no longer sparking joy, it may be time to break ties.

Pay attention to their behavior. If your elementary schooler is kicking and screaming every single week before guitar lessons or your tween or teen is noticeably grumpier or more rebellious when it’s time to suit up for hockey, these are all signs that the cons of this particular activity outweigh the pros. Use your parental judgment on this one, but in my personal opinion, nothing is worth making my kid miserable and stressed if it can be avoided.

Consider a compromise that works for your family. I’m in the parenting camp of teaching kids to finish what they started and to stick to commitments and promises. I want my son to realize it’s not only about him, and dropping out could mean letting down teammates or coaches or friends who relied on him. If you’ve agreed that your child can stop the activity, set an end date—the end of the season or session makes logical sense—so they’re not leaving abruptly, and they’re learning the importance of responsibility in the process.

The truth is that down the road, you won’t remember what the outcome was of each extracurricular activity your child signed up for. You’ll only remember the hobbies and interests that stick with them through high school or college (if any!). But it’s ok to feel like letting them quit or making them stay is a big decision at this very moment. Ultimately, you’ll do what’s best for you and your family, as always.

Have you ever been in this situation with your child? What was the outcome?

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