When bad news happens, there’s two things we can do as parents; be open and honest with our child about what’s going on, or not talk about it unless they bring it up (or, of course, if and when the news affects them directly). For many kids like my 7-year-old anxious and highly sensitive child, ignorance is bliss, so I try to keep him shielded from headlines and photos that I know will only worry him. But sometimes, media coverage and peer chatter is unavoidable, and kids deserve to know what’s going on. That’s undoubtedly how many parents are feeling about the deadly Los Angeles wildfires.

I live in New Jersey, helpless and horrified by the images I’m seeing out of California. I can’t fathom what so many families in the Pacific Palisades are facing, and even worse, how moms and dads are telling their kids about it; our house is gone, your school is closed forever, our favorite restaurant has burned to the ground. The LA Times has some great advice on how to talk to kids in LA about the wildfires.

If you don’t live in Southern California, want to talk about the wildfires with your child(ren) but aren’t sure exactly how to do so, consider these expert tips on how to talk to kids about the wildfires…

Explain what happened using age-appropriate language. Begin telling your child about the disaster by using simple terms they’ll understand. You can say that wildfires broke out in California and the fire department and other helpers are working to stop them. Explain that it was nobody’s fault; a wildfire is an uncontrolled fire that breaks out in an empty, shrubby area and spreads, in this case to people’s homes and communities. You can also read a more detailed definition in this Brittanica Kids article or watch how Lester Holt explains it to kids in this NBC Nightly News kids’ clip about wildfires, and then borrow that language to tell your child about it in the way that feels most natural to you. Experts say to avoid showing kids younger than 7 any visuals or imagery of the wildfires; encourage kids 8+ who may have come across photos already to share their feelings and ask you questions about what they see.

Hold space for your own feelings. These wildfires are terrifying, and kids will undoubtedly be scared and confused. However, kids will feel safe knowing the adults in their life feel safe, so, experts note, this means keeping your own emotions in check as much as you can. Take a minute to catch your breath if you need to before you speak, and comfort your children with what you’re certain of; that your area, their home, their school, and your family are not in danger. 

Reassure the child’s feelings and anxieties. As with most aspects of gentle parenting, it’s key to make space for your child’s feelings and anxieties along with your own. Don’t try to diminish their stressors and make empty promises like “this will never happen where we live,” or try to explain the tragedy. Instead, pros recommend telling your child that it’s okay to be scared, answering any of their questions that you actually know the answers to, and not keeping the truth from them. 

Turn their worry into action. Consider turning your little one’s anxieties into something tangible rather than having them sitting around ruminating with their negative thoughts. Suggest to your younger child that you help by donating some of their toys or clothes to West Coast kids who lost everything, or have them write cards or make projects for kids or first-responders. Older kids can help by setting up fundraisers for West Coast-based non-profits. (PS: HERE are some ways to help the victims of the LA wildfires).

If you or your family knows someone grieving loss of life or property in the LA wildfires, these expert tips on how to show up for grievers of the LA wildfires is helpful.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you’re not sure how to communicate the news of the wildfires to your little ones. You can ask for personal referrals or search online for child therapists that deal with trauma. 

What have you told your kids about the LA wildfires, if anything?

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