If you’re a Type A person, it’s hard to not always be a Type A parent — you may feel that parental urge to take over every homework assignment for your child, do all their chores, and make all of their decisions. It’s just easier and more efficient that way, you know? But researchers have found that there’s one relatively simple way to avoid this phenomenon known as “overparenting,” which is by turning these developmentally appropriate tasks into learning opportunities.

Recent studies have found that modern day parents are doing the most for their kids, including simple to-dos they’re more than capable of. This can diminish little ones’ independence and motivation. In response, New research out of Yale’s Department of Psychology says the key is to position these tasks as ways for kids to learn, which maintains “children’s independence, persistence, and resilience,” the researchers note. In doing so, parents provide more positive feedback and encouragement while the child is completing the task, making them more likely to want and be able to get it done themselves next time.

The study was conducted with families of 4- and 5-year-olds. The preschoolers were tasked with putting on hockey gear — two shin guards and a chest guard. Half the parents in the experiment were told the kids would learn lifelong skills by putting on these uniforms themselves, and the other half were told that dressing up was an exhibit at the museum they were at. As you can imagine, parents stepped in 50% less often in the group who were told getting dressed independently was a skill the kids should acquire. 

I’m certainly guilty of this as a mom. I can’t even recall how many times I’ve put on my 6-year-old’s socks to speed up the morning routine before school, poured the milk in his cup to avoid a big spill, or ‘looked over’ his math homework to make sure all his answers are correct (it’s not even being graded! It’s only first grade!). It’s hard to relinquish control as a parent to a tiny human who’s still learning practically everything, but I will try to be better. Add it to my list of new year’s resolutions, okay?

The researchers want parents, teachers, and other caregivers to walk away from this study with one piece of advice: “ The next time you find yourself tempted to complete a task for a child, take a moment to appreciate all that they can learn from trying to complete the task on their own.” Easier said than done, but we’ll certainly do our darndest.

What are you guilty of “overparenting” about?

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