How many times have you found yourself telling a little white lie to get your kid to comply? Get your shoes on or I’m leaving you at home. The park is closed today. I can’t find that annoying battery-operated toy you love oh-so-much. Telling your kid something to influence their behavior or their emotions is what experts refer to as “parenting by lying,” and nearly all of us are guilty of it. There’s nothing wrong with an innocent fib now and then, right?

This concept hits close to home right now as parents may be contemplating whether or not to tell their kids the truth about the Easter bunny. But imaginary holiday beings or not, it’s important all year round to raise the question of if it’s ok to lie to our kids… and when.

According to the “parenting by lying” study published in late 2023, lying to our kids is common.  78 percent of American parents and 98 percent of Chinese parents engaged in parenting by lying. The study also cited previous research which found that parenting by lying decreases as kids get older, since parents want to teach kids to make their own decisions and develop autonomy as they grow up. Being dishonest may also be less common in faith-based families.

Researchers noted that some types of parenting by lying are hard to identify, but there are three common types:

• Lying to influence your child’s behavior: “If you finish your homework, you’ll get $100!”

• Lying to influence your child’s feelings: “You’re so good at baseball!”

• Lying when you don’t know the answer to a question: “The sky is blue because it’s the prettiest color.”

The same study also notes some downsides to lying to our kids, which include:

• Parenting by lying may be linked to short- or long-term negative psychosocial outcomes in children

• If we lie to our kids, they may see us as less trustworthy

• Since kids do as their parents do, kids might grow up more likely to lie

As we know, what parents do and how we act can and will affect our children as they become teenagers and then adults. No pressure!!! But still, the researchers make a point to note that parenting by lying is just one method that moms and dads use to reach their parenting goals. Lying to our kids is not harmful on its own, as long as it’s done in conjunction with more positive parenting practices (like lighthouse parenting).

Good Housekeeping points out that we don’t want to rely on lying as a crutch, and should try to grow accustomed to having uncomfortable conversations with our kids. Being open and honest leads our sons and daughters to be more open and honest, and laying this groundwork of trust now can help make it easier in the teen years, when we’ll want our kids to be truthful and communicative with us.

So, what’s the main takeaway? That using little white lies to get through your day likely won’t hurt our children in the long run, but being honest with our kids overall is a great way to model the behavior. Do with that information what you will, parents!

Check out more thorough conclusions and stats from the parenting by lying study HERE.

What’s the silliest lie you’ve told your kid to comply?

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