The older we get, the more we may come to realize that Valentine’s Day isn’t only for playground crushes, boyfriends or girlfriends, or heck, even spouses. Really, it’s about showing our kids how much we love them. Even if you’re not a mushy or affectionate parent, consider February 14 as an excuse to display your affection for your child and display how much they mean to you. Need incentive? Research shows that being warm and loving to our kids makes them more secure and confident adults.

Sure, you could go the tangible gift route and get them chocolates and stuffies and all the red-and-pink-themed stuff your heart desires. But for all intents and purposes, let’s focus on expressive gifts — using words and gestures to demonstrate how much you care. In addition to saying “I love you,” the three magic words that mean so much, here are 5 ways to do so on Valentine’s Day and beyond, with some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP):

Incorporate physical touch. Research has found a correlation between a parent’s affection and their kid’s health and happiness later in life. You don’t need to smother them with kisses on the daily (the older they get the less they will want this anyway, so I hear), but offer up cuddles if they have a bad day, a hug as a way to calm them down, or a simple smooch before you drop them off at school.

Enjoy deliberate one-on-one time together. It can be hard to schedule regular ol’ fun with the daily grind of school, homework, and activities, but allowing time for being silly, playing games, drawing, or reading together is paramount to your child’s everyday happiness. This is especially important if you have multiple children, so each one feels special and loved in their own way. In my home, for example, we have Movie Night Fridays, where we rotate who in the family gets to choose the flick, plus I buy a special new snack to enjoy while we watch. It’s something he looks forward to every week and allows us to spend (mostly) uninterrupted time together at the end of a busy week.

Listen genuinely to what they say. This is in part what purposeful parenting is all about, but listening to your child, not just hearing them, is key to showing them you care. Even better, put your phone down and give them undivided attention when they’re speaking to you, even if all they’re talking about is playground drama or a nonsensical story. Ask them questions and lend an ear when they need one. Good parent/child communication has been shown to have a positive influence on children’s well-being and behaviors, so do your best to keep the lines open for conversation.

Consider small yet significant gestures. Sometimes it’s the little things that make a big impact. Experts say that doing small acts of kindness for your kids or speaking highly of them when warranted can do wonders. For example, consider putting a love note in their lunchbox or offering them verbal praise for something you know they’re proud of. Either will make them feel great.

Support them in their “worst” moments. Something I struggle with as a parent is knowing that we all have off days — including our kids. But the key is not to harp on what they do wrong, but to let them know it’s okay to make mistakes. Tell them simply that you aren’t mad at them if they, say, fail a test, get sent to detention, or throw something at their baby sister out of frustration, and that you still love them even if they don’t always make the best decisions. It had to have been a parent who started that infamous phrase “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed,” right?

How do you show your kid(s) you love them?

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