Okay, parents, we see you—and finally, someone else does, too. The U.S. Surgeon General recently published an advisory shedding light on the significant challenges parents face and the critical importance of prioritizing parental mental health and well-being.

This is a monumental step towards recognizing the overwhelming pressures parents experience in today’s world and the profound impact these pressures have on families and communities across the country.

“As a parent, I have felt this way too—blessed to have the privilege of caring for my two children but also constantly wondering if I’m getting it right. I delight in their unscripted moments of pure joy, their laughter, which fills our house, and the surprising questions they ask, which make me question my assumptions. I also feel the weight of the daily big and small decisions we have to make as parents that don’t come with an instruction manual. Being a dad is the toughest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had,” writes U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, M.D.

The role of guilt and shame

Guilt and shame were two significant factors that came up repeatedly during Murthy's conversations with parents. To put it simply, parents are stressed.

Between general expectations and anxieties of parenthood, raising childcare costs, and trying to keep it all together, our challenges feel like one gigantic, endless, exhausting loop. By the time we have a moment to ourselves, what do we do? We feel guilty about our parenting, of course! Which, in the end, only leads to more stress. It’s a vicious cycle that, unfortunately, you’re probably well aware of. 

Muthey points to our comparison culture as one major problem. “Chasing these unreasonable expectations has left many families feeling exhausted, burned out, and perpetually behind,” he says. And generally, parents are more stressed than non-parents. 

According to 2023 data, 33% of parents report high stress levels in the past month compared to 20% of other adults. And 48% of parents say their stress is overwhelming most days compared to 26% among other adults.

What will this mean for parents?

We’re not quite sure. But we do know that sometimes it takes a call to action by someone of  importance for society to take an issue seriously, and this one is super duper serious. Over 60 million people in the United States are parents, and we need support. 

“With this Advisory, I am calling for a fundamental shift in how we value and prioritize the mental health and well-being of parents. I am also outlining policies, programs, and individual actions we can all take to support parents and caregivers,” says Murthy.

Another reason this is a very good thing is that it allows us as parents to reclaim our power and prioritize our well-being.

“Reclaiming your power” means you need to seek support if you are struggling. And there is absolutely no shame in asking for help. Utilize parenting education classes, join support groups, attend events in your area, lean on supportive friends and family, and use social media to connect with other parents. Remember, although sometimes parenting can feel lonely, you are not alone.  

Recognize that those guilt and shame feelings you know all too well are not helpful. As soon as they come into your brain, kick ‘em out! Practice being kind to yourself and keep reminding yourself that you’re doing your best. Do this every single day. Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you recharge your battery. Even small moments of self-care can make a big difference. 

And please, please top striving for perfection—because there’s no such thing. Parenthood is messy and unpredictable. Set realistic expectations so you don’t end up in that “I failed as a parent” loop. If you start feeling defeated, look directly into the nearest mirror and say, “I’m doing the best I can, and I’m the best parent for my child.”

Lastly, advocate for change in whatever capacity you can. Whether sharing this blog or other online parenting content, volunteering with organizations working to improve parental mental health, or contacting your local elected officials, speak up about the need for better parental support. 

Access the Surgeon General’s Advisory here. 

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