Learning to share is essentially a rite of passage for young children here in the United States, one that is at least introduced as a concept somewhere in between preschool and kindergarten. She takes a turn on the slide, then he gets one, and so on and so forth. But a new article brings to light a new concept in gentle parenting where moms and dads don’t teach their kids how to share. Instead, parents simply let their child get what they want and for as long as they want it, whether it’s a turn on the swing or a particular toy. Shall we unpack this just a bit?

The article in question is published in The Cut, and quotes educators, parents, child psychologists, and other experts in the field. To summarize with an excerpt, the reason some parents (and select preschools) these days aren’t teaching their kids to share is simple:

“Many parents, influencers, and educators believe that asking young children to step away from the slide is developmentally inappropriate, damaging to their mental health, and teaches a dangerous form of people-pleasing. Some advocate for waiting until kids are old enough to want to share, then letting them develop this behavior on their own, arguing that this will lead to genuine generosity paired with firm boundaries.”

The experts in the “anti-sharing” camp insist that kids need to establish their own identities before they can learn to share with their peers, much like potty training too soon can potentially cause pelvic floor issues or toilet anxiety later on. As older kids and young adults they’ll figure out how to share on their own, but young kids shouldn’t be told how to do it. Instead,  for now, they need to stand up for what they want, and get what they want. 

To me, whether or not we should teach our kids to share is similar to the age-old question on if we should force our kids to apologize. There are pros and cons to both approaches, and as parents, we need to do our research and then choose whichever method works best for us. But what’s baffling to me about not teaching our kids to share is that what this does teach is entitlement. It validates the idea that our kids can get whatever they want when they want it with zero consequences. It also teaches little ones to disregard the feelings of others. Should a 2-year-old really let his classmate cry and watch on as he bawls because he doesn’t get a turn with the firetruck? What happened to respecting thy neighbor?

The comments on the article are not mincing words, with most agreeing that it’s our duty as parents to teach our kids to share, point blank period. Still, it makes me curious about what this parenting decision means for these kids when they’re older …and, to be honest, kind of makes me want to avoid the playground indefinitely…

Read the whole article about teaching our kids to share HERE — including interesting tidbits from experts.

Have you ever heard of not teaching sharing to children? Thoughts?

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