So, your tween wants a phone for Christmas.You knew this request was coming eventually, right? It’s an inevitable part of parenting a Gen Alpha kiddo, and understandably, it can be a lot to consider. As author and social psychologist Jonathan Haidt put it on Hoda Kotb’s podcast, “the day you give your kid a phone that’s connected to the internet and has social media on it, that’s the day that the phone will move to the center of your child’s life…and it will be there forever.” But even if their first phone doesn’t have apps on it, it’s still a pretty big deal!

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When’s the right time to give your child a phone? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does a good job of outlining the research on the appropriate age to introduce a phone, but doesn’t specify an ideal age. Other studies, like one out of Stamford, are encouraging, and find no correlation between the age that kids get their first phone and their sleep patterns, mental health status, or grades. Then there’s the Wait Until 8th pledge, which encourages parents to promise they’ll delay getting their kid a phone until the end of eighth grade (with the idea that they won’t ask for one if their peers aren’t getting one either).

Still, so many factors come into play and must be considered before handing over such an important privilege to your kid. Here are 5 questions to ask yourself before biting the bullet and giving your son or daughter their first phone:

What’s their phone readiness? The responsibility of having a cell phone comes with a certain level of maturity. How do you know if your kid hits that threshold? It’s child-dependent, not age dependent, but there are online quizzes such as this PhoneReady questionnaire that can help you figure this out. Answering questions about your child’s tech use, if they do homework on their own, if they’re okay with screen time limits, and if they can accept responsibility for their actions, for example, can help you gauge whether or not they can handle the distraction and obligation that having a cell phone brings.

What hours are they allowed to be on it? Speaking from my seven years of parenting experience, it’s easier to establish new rules with kids than change existing ones. That’s why you need to set ground rules before you agree to purchase their first cell phone. For example, determine what hours during the day they can and can’t use it (in my household we have a no-devices-at-dinner rule), or if it’s off limits on certain days of the week or in certain rooms of the house. And stick to your guns.

What apps are they permitted to use? Giving your child a phone isn’t all or nothing. It’s totally fine if you want them to be able to text and make calls but not use social media, internet browsing, or certain apps. (That’s why there are phones just for kids that have limited capabilities such as the Gabb and the Gizmo). Figure out what you’re comfortable with your child doing on the device and research your options from there.

How much privacy can they have? Many parents, first-timers especially, might feel more comfortable handing over a phone to their tween if they have the passcode and access to the phone as needed. Let your child know you respect their privacy and trust them to make good decisions, but you may ask to check texts on occasion if you have concerns about bullying or any other issues. Of course, it goes without saying that you should also install parental controls on your kid’s phone to make sure they’re not accidentally stumbling upon any inappropriate content.

How will you communicate about their phone usage? Your son or daughter will likely need a trusty adult to guide them as they navigate new social interactions and the digital world, and you’ll need to be their mentor. It’s key to verbally check in with your child every so often about how things are going for them, even more so if your parental instincts tell you something is off since they received their new cell. Make sure they also know you’re still the parent, and therefore you make the rules. You got this!

What else should parents consider before getting their kid’s first phone?

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