“Why are you letting her pick her nose? When I’m a parent my child will behave much better.” This is an actual line my much-younger brother used recently referring to my 14-month-old niece who happened to have her finger in her nostril. Yes, the parents in the room all let out a collective eye roll.

That’s because all of us moms and dads have been there, done that; been on the receiving end of advice or comments about our children or our parenting choices that were completely unwarranted. Heck, some of us have experienced this even before we became parents. I can’t tell you how many dumb “tips” people shared with me when I was on my IVF journey. Unsolicited advice is an epidemic — and a social media trend. But we don’t need to just grin and bear it.

If these comments come from strangers, it’s usually not worth a fight, but when family or friends are the culprits, it can get a bit tricky. Here at Starglow, we’ve previously covered the emotional toll that unsolicited advice can take on parents and how to essentially say thanks but no thanks. But there are other helpful ways to handle this situation. 

Not to give you more unsolicited advice, but perhaps these tips will come in handy next time you’re faced with an annoying and unwarranted comment or two:

1. Be assertive but polite. As we’ve said previously, it’s okay to stand your ground and set clear boundaries. You can respond to comments you didn’t ask for with a “thanks for your input, but we’re going to do this the way it works for my family.” Simple enough, but gets the point across without being rude.

2. Turn conversation into connection. Alternatively, you can take their comment and rephrase it as a question about how this person raises/raised their kids. It may even become a learning experience. Say something like “is that how you did it with your kids? And what was your reasoning behind that choice?” Sure, it could open a can of worms, but it’s more likely to unite you and this person over the shared experience and challenge of raising little ones.

3. Use humor. Childrearing doesn’t always have to be so serious. Make light of a terrible piece of advice with a funny rebuttal. Another personal example; my mom recently told my sister to put rubbing alcohol on my nephew’s chest to help his fever. Her response: ‘What is this, 1965?” My sister and I are still both in shock that our boomer mom actually said that in the year 2025, but I’m proud she made light of it, despite how ridiculous it was.

4. Deflect… just a bit. In situations like this, changing the topic is almost always a good idea. That way you won’t harp on an annoying suggestion, and they’ll subtly get the point that you don’t want to discuss it. You can say matter-of-factly, “I’d rather not discuss that,” or use a classic line like, “can you please pass the potatoes?” Works like a charm.

5. Be confident in your parenting choices. Okay okay, none of us really know what we’re doing when it comes to raising kids. But you know your child best, and you (and your co-parent) make informed decisions that work best for your family. Don’t let some not-so-great comment lessen your confidence or make you second-guess your choices.

How do you respond to unsolicited advice?

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