There’s authoritative parenting, and then there’s a bunch of subgenres that fall underneath that umbrella, like ”lighthouse parenting” and social media’s newest child-rearing philosophy, “FAFO” parenting. The acronym for “f*** around and find out,” FAFO parenting is all about teaching kids natural consequences. Basic example: Don’t want to wear a coat outside in the winter? Okay, then you’ll freeze. Some modern day parents (at least the ones vocalizing it on the internet) are on board with the FAFO idea, because if you think about it, it is actually quite logical. But is it for everyone?

FAFO is hardly new — the acronym itself was around way before “rizz” and “no cap” hit the vernacular. FAFO as a parenting philosophy has been making the rounds recently on TikTok and Reddit, however, with some insisting Gen X is the original FAFO generation. Those who grew up in the late ‘70s and ‘80s (who are now parents in their 40s and 50s) were basically raised by their neighborhood friends, had keys to the house by age five, could cook for themselves by age nine, and drank nothing but garden hose water in the summer, as @motivatedgirldad hilariously (and accurately?) points out on TT. Basically, parents of yesteryear let their kids run amuck, and weren’t as worried as we are about everything as we Millennials raise our Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids.

But FAFO parents do still exist today; FAFO parenting embraces the idea of kids figuring out the repercussions for themselves, instead of mom and dad imposing punishment for not-so-great behaviors. Hitting a friend or sibling? There’s a good chance he’ll get hit back. Toddler refusing to put on his shoes before getting in the car? Great, but then he can’t go to the playground.

TikTok mom and user @hey.im.janelle tells a relatable (and now-viral) story demonstrating FAFO in action of her family on a camping trip. Her son learned the hard way; he decided not to wear a raincoat out in a storm, and then his clothing got soaked. She also gives an example where if her son kept climbing higher and higher up a tree beyond his comfort level, she’d be happy to help him find a way down, but if he falls and scrapes himself? Well, that’s on him.

As Scary Mommy points out, there are benefits to this approach. Parenting experts such as Janet Lansbury have lauded the responsive parenting method. Letting our kids trust their own decisions and see directly how actions have consequences, she says, is an important step in establishing his or her decision-making and independence.

Of course, the line is drawn if there’s a safety concern — don’t let kids f*** around and find out if someone is at risk of getting hurt. For example, wearing a coat is probably not worth the battle, but seatbelts and helmets are non-negotiables. 

There haven’t yet been any published studies on the long-term effects of FAFO parenting, but I’d be curious to see how these types of kiddos stack up. Until then, I’ll be FAFO-ing the heck out of my two little ones. And yes, I did just make it a verb.

What are your thoughts on FAFO parenting?

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